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Confidence is probably the most attractive of all traits. It is the essence of charisma. Give yourself a pep talk before you go out and tell yourself you are fabulous. If you believe it, it will be true. When you walk into a room, pull yourself up to your full height and walk tall. Slumped posture is not very sensuous. A sensuous walk is a precious asset. It is an art in itself. Marilyn Monroe said that people often ignored her in the street until she put on 'the walk'.
Aha! So it wasn't the bottle-blonde hair or the hourglass bod but
the walk. Hey, that's easy!

Make sure you don't move in packs. Men will not approach women in a gaggle: it's too intimidating. If you go out with friends, separate yourself as soon as you can and start circulating. You are there to meet new people, not just to talk to people you already know.

When you go to a soirée, go simply to have a good time not just to add more beaus to your string. Be curious about everybody, other women included. After all, they may have sexy brothers, male friends, foxy colleagues, maybe even a perfectly nice ex. You could be his Cinderella. So embrace the sisterhood when you get the chance. Make it your mission to meet at least one person who will make you glad you didn't stay home with a bottle of wine.

Take the focus off what other people think of you and onto having a good time. Make yourself the only person you have to please: it will help you exude confidence and make you genuinely interesting. If you need a little help in the confidence department, fake it till you make it. Find a role model you can emulate. Imagine how that person would act, feel and move. Think of what qualities make her attractive and how she expresses these physically when she moves and talks. Watch videos of fabulous filmstar flirts and examine their style. See how they revel in being a woman. You will eventually develop your own inimitable style.

Eye Contact

Everybody knows that the eyes are the windows to the loins. The mating dance all starts with a glance. So catch someone's eye and hold their gaze half a second longer than normal: one second in total. Then look away, look coy and then look again, this time with a more meaningful glance and a slight smile.

The glance dance can go on for some time. Avoid pointing out to your friends that you've made a connection. They'll just turn and stare. Simply work on your posture, pull in your tummy and arch your back slightly. And while you're looking them in the eye, hit them with a smile — it's one of your main passports to social success. Wear a smile at all times and if someone doesn't have one, give them one of yours. A soft smile will do. It doesn't have to be a toothy grin. If you are not interested in someone who flashes you a glance, merely turn away from them and don't look back. It should be obvious that you are not open to their advances without being rude.

Non-verbal signals

There are other body language signals to let him know he has the green light to approach you. A woman may arch her neck and show her throat briefly. She may also make preening gestures, like stroking her hair or laughing at something a friend is saying. A woman will change her posture so it is more flattering, thrusting her breasts out and pulling in her waist. She might also turn to face the object of her desire. She will hold her drink at waist level so she is reating no barriers — but not so low it looks like she's begging for coins. She might caress her glass with the tip of her finger or rub it gently around the rim, lick her lips or touch her mouth momentarily.

So start amping up your own signals. The best way is to think sensuous thoughts and the moves will come naturally. Most importantly, emanate a look of vitality. Appear energetic, luminous even. Imagine you have just had an amazing romp and have a sexy glow about you. Don't look static or planted. Be mobile in your expressions and your movements. When you think you have him on the hook, move slightly away from your group to make it easier for him to approach you. Or start circulating: anything to give him an opportunity to intercept you.

Close encounters

So what happens when he sidles over? If you get nervous, imagine he is an old friend you haven't seen for ages and try to chat to him as comfortably. Relax yourself and this will set him at ease. The most underrated flirting skill is simply listening. Men love talking about themselves. They like being the centre of attention. Ask open-ended questions. That is, questions that can't be answered by a yes or no answer.

If he volunteers something, you volunteer something. But don't reveal too much at once. The other key is not to moan. Having a good time is infectious. Focus on positive things and keep the conversation fun, light and frothy. Lower your chin, look him in the eyes and nod as he speaks. Smile and make sure you find something to giggle at every now and then (unless he's talking about his recent root canal in which case I suggest you depart the conversation entirely for he is clearly a social cripple). Make him feel like the most interesting and amusing man alive.

The other technique is to mirror his actions. By slightly copying the man's body language and style of behaviour he will feel you are in synch with him. Pull yourself up to your full height and lean slightly forward. Put your best assets forward and turn your body to face his more directly. If you are standing, make sure one foot is pointing towards him. If you are sitting, cross your legs towards him. Keep physical barriers to a minimum; don't cross your arms like a fortress.

If you want to bring out the big guns, try arching your neck when he pays you a compliment or says something funny. This allows you to bare your throat at him. Touch your neck lightly. Any man who isn't affected by this gesture hasn't got a pulse.

Practice makes perfect

Wherever you go – to the deli, corner store, local café or on your walk, practice your flirting style. It doesn't have to be high voltage or serious, just friendly. Say 'hi' or 'gorgeous day' and smile. Feel good about yourself and send out a tiny volt of electricity. You will notice people responding to you more. And at the very least, your coffee just got a whole lot hotter. Flirting is a great social lubricant, whether at work or at play. This ancient art can make life easier and more fun. Go on: get out there and flaunt it!

Body Language Signals

• SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED
• Sidelong glances
• Looks at him a few times
• Holds his gaze briefly
• She has downcast eyes, then she looks away
• Touches her neck or hair
• Touches her lips
• Turns body towards him
• Tilts her head
• Narrows her eyes slightly into an eye smile
• Flashes her palm
• Smiles

SIGNS HE IS INTERESTED
• Looks at you
• Moves his body to face you
• Posture changes to alert
• Adjusts his tie
• Puts his hand in his pocket
• Dangles his hand from his belt
• Slight movement of the pelvis backward
• Leans towards you
• Smiles
• Adopts an open body posture

These tips are courtesy of Peta Heskell at The Attraction Acadamy

posted by 光文shinezwen | 12:19 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, October 19, 2006